Explicitly Ambiguous

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men–he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs.. Fenton was like most women-she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Walmart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them In people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION - WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me
alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look, “by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

And last, but not least….

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, Waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.

I was a Fredhead before it became cool. lol

Yesterday Richard and I spent some time watching videos at the Screw Loose Change Video site. Having never seen Loose Change we were shocked at the level of ignorance displayed by people who like to brag about their intelligence. I have enough sense to know the difference between a controlled demolition and a building collapse. I’d decided long ago that the truther movement was all about self aggrandizement, money, and hatred of Bush. It really is all about them. They don’t give a damn about truth or the victims.

Tonight the Discovery Times channel will be showing the Falling Man documentary. (The link is to an article of the same name at Esquire by an author featured in the documentary.) We’ll be watching it. I’m interested in it after having originally seen the article years ago.

Didn’t start out too bad. I made BBQ ribs for lunch and Richard said my pork-fu was the best. I didn’t argue. He was also working on the kid’s computer having done that all weekend. He set it up so the kid can watch his DVDs on his computer. Nice, right? The kid didn’t even blink. He was complaining about not watching “his” cartoon. I despise Kappa Mikey. Scratch that. It’s a funny cute show that even adults can get a laugh out of but when your kid is bitching about wanting to watch it and you’ve decided he isn’t you really start hating it.

Richard and I were talking about something and the kid ran in having been in his room. He said something about toothpaste and his room. R and I looked at each other and knew something was wrong. It was awful. The brat had taken my Theragesic and spread most of it (hell almost all of it) on the carpet of his room. (Note: He had enough sense not to eat that strange smelling shit.) Not only was it on the carpet but he evidently had squeezed the tube and slung it around the room. My patience level had dropped to near zero level. After explaining to him that he not only would not be watching Kappa Mikey but he’d lost TV for the rest of the week we ran him out of the room so we could clean. We ended up cleaning up the excess and shampooed his carpet. Something I hadn’t intended to do today thank you very much.

In the process of cleaning his room we discovered that he’d gotten it all over the catfish pillow. I loved that pillow. Richard bought it for me to sleep with when I was pregnant… he couldn’t find a body pillow. The kid loved it too. He used to drag it around by it’s whiskers. As much as I hated doing it I told Richard to take it out to the garbage. I admit I was really upset. I even cried.

Not only had the kid destroyed what I use for my hands and feet when the arthritis is driving me nuts but he made a mess in his room, fought me over bathing, he’d destroyed something that I loved.

There was also an incident involving his not wanting a bath, his ezcema would have been irritated by the crap, I didn’t take no for an answer.

There will be no TV of any kind in my house for a week. I may need therapy due to all the whining and complaining after this week but he’s going to learn a lesson from this fiasco.