Explicitly Ambiguous

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” he answered. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer,
brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar…
You know… they have frozen glasses… ”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken
wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

“But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?

LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT CRAP IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?”

and…they lived happily ever after. Isn’t this a sweet story?

The Junk Science site has created what they call their GREENer Pledge (Link is to the PDF file).

Personal favorites:

Reduce global methane emissions by eating more farm animals

and

Lobby Congress to fund flying carpet research to replace jet travel

That was freaky. I woke up hearing driving rain and thought it was odd. Turned on the computer and my eyebrows shot straight up when I saw what looked like a miniature hurricane over Oklahoma. The sucker was spinning and even had an eye.

Tropical storm Erin decided she wasn’t finished and gave us all a good thrashing. The Bethany police station had 3 feet of water. People were stuck on I-40 for hours.

I had to go out and roll up the window on the car and nearly got blown off my feet. Came in soaking wet.

The electricity flickered off and on for awhile and then went off for awhile.

I knew there was a reason I didn’t want to live in Florida or Louisiana.

Sheesh.

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. they happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks. ”What are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.

”Oh I see,” replied the boy.

”Yes, I’ve heard of safe sex in health class at School”

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?”

The dad replies, “Those are for high schoolboys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

”Cool” says the boy.

He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”

”Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.”

”WOW!” exclaimed the boy, “then who uses THESE?” he asks picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

”Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”

I’ve never been “girly”. I’ve never fainted or whatever you want to call it but yesterday was damned close.

We’ve been having problems with our AC. Two weeks ago we had a hellacious day (one of those over 100 or damned near it) with no AC. It made me sick and I didn’t eat right for nearly a week. It started working right again and I was thrilled. I’d just gotten to where I could look at a damned recipe without wanting to toss my cookies and then Monday the AC went out completely.

We had two days of over 100 degree days without AC. I’d tried to do my best but the meds I’m on for HBP make me more sensitive to the heat. Yesterday afternoon, we’d been waiting for the maintenance guy to come see what the problem was, I felt like I was suffocating because of the heat. I asked Richard to set up a fan in the bedroom so I could lie down. I started to walk down the hall and things started spinning and I stumbled. He helped me to the bedroom and my body must have had enough because it was goodnight nurse… I went out like a light. Didn’t wake up until Richard woke me up to tell me the maintenance guy had left mid-job to get a part (he also was working on another job he had). Richard got a tad miffed and let the answering service know it. He’d called the office earlier in the day and told them we’d been waiting and that I have asthma and HBP and was susceptible to the heat. They said they’d send him to us next. It was around 2 or 3 something. He didn’t make it to our apartment until around 7. Finally it got fixed around 9pm. God it feels nice in here.

I’m irked because I had to toss a bunch of food out of our freezer. It got so hot in here that meat in the freezer started to thaw out.

Screw it. Thinking about eating right now makes me want to gag. I lost 10 lbs with the last little escapade and not being able to eat. God only knows how long it will be till I feel like eating again. I could stand to lose more weight but it’s not a diet I’d recommend while having to keep other people fed. Ugh.

I read these this morning and thought they were damned good.

An article about the liberal Methodists inability to understand what we were fighting during WWII.

America the Murderous

and

The Devil in Darfur

I’ve been occupied getting used to being up all night again. God, as you get older it gets harder. Of course the kid could go all night and ALL day and never get tired.

Waiting impatiently for a new toy we recently bought. A new vacuum. After examining vacuums of all kinds and deciding some were just too damned expensive I saw one that I liked. Read the reviews of it and decided on getting it.

98% of the reviews were positive. Two caused me to buy it. One had taken it to her Mother’s house (the Mother had an Oreck) and vacuumed her Mother’s carpets. Her Mother was shocked at how much gunk she hadn’t gotten out of her carpet with the Oreck.

The second review said that it “sucked like a crack whore”. lol

It’s also not mind numbingly yellow or green.. it’s red. Red is always a good thing as far as I’m concerned. lol