I hate that word. How to describe it. At the intersection of my butt, thigh, and spine it feels like someone has taken a dagger, heated it, and if I move incorrectly they shove it in and twist it. If I move “wrong” it feels like an electric shock. Trust me you try NOT to move the wrong way! The whole leg feels kind of numb. When I have tried to stand up when the pain hits I will almost always drop back down to alleviate it. It is NOT pleasant and you get to where you fear that feeling. If I sit too long the leg aches if I stand too long the leg aches. Back when Russia was the USSR they supposedly gave political prisoners drugs that made them unable to sit still and then when they’d be almost insane from that they’d give them drugs to make them unable to move. Then they’d repeat it. That’s the way this feels. Insane.

My first experience with sciatica was the worst I think I’ve had. I spent one month either lying in bed or on the sofa. It drove me nuts that I couldn’t do a damned thing. At one point I even cried because I couldn’t wash dishes. I tried but I couldn’t. You know it’s bad when someone cries over not being able to wash the fucking dishes. An Aunt had a TENS unit that she let me borrow. It helped some but I tell you waking up in the middle of the night with the electrodes being directly in contact with your skin and shocking the shit out of you was NOT something I liked. Damn that hurt almost as much as the sciatica. During the day, in that long month, I’d have a tv tray with whatever I needed for the day. I spent the day alone with no help. I’d struggle to get up to go to the bathroom. I had a radio that I listened to and one day a show came on by a chiropractor. Low and behold he was talking about sciatica. He suggested two things for it. Lying on the floor and using a rolled up towel in the center of your back. Moving it slowly up and down that area taking your time. Or, this sounds so weird, putting a towel over the top of an interior door and hanging from the door. Lifting your feet off the ground. I blew it off but not long after that I was so damned frustrated that I tried hanging. It helped some and the pain was less severe. (I probably should mention that my Brother had an experience with sciatica too. I vividly remember going coat shopping with our Mother and he’d be walking and he’d suddenly start crouching. It was the pain. I SO understand that now.) Eventually the sciatica got better.

I did fine until I was pregnant. I remember the day I had the first pain and I just about cried because I knew exactly what it was. I was scared. The fear of this monster was incredible. My husband noticed I was walking oddly. Leaning one direction. I told my OB what the symptoms were and that I had an idea what it was. She said sciatica and my heart dropped. She told me to rest and then told me that I couldn’t take alleve for it. I could only use tylenol. I thought well hell just shoot me now! I think I ended up hanging from the door. Pregnant. I’m sure that was amusing to see.

Fast forward to today. I had been going thru a flareup of it and it was just about better. Hadn’t taken too long to get better. I was sitting here at my computer and I sneezed. ONE FUCKING SNEEZE! I felt that horrible stabbing sensation and wanted to scream. I made the mistake the other day of trying a heating pad. BAD idea. That night I could barely move. Ended up using ice packs. That alleviated some of it. Yesterday I used ice packs all day. It was fine, well it wasn’t ripping me a new asshole all day lets put it that way, until last night when it went all nasty on me again. Wolf chewing on your hip nasty. I can’t do laundry today. I know that. This weekend I need to go to the store. I refuse to use one of those scooter things in the store. I won’t. I think I’m going to get a cane. It makes you feel a bit more stable for some reason. Jesus, I was fucking running and now I can barely walk. It’s depressing. I can’t exercise which makes me upset. I’ve got until November 1st to get my ass in gear with the diet and exercise. I’m considering pushing my appointment back into December. That might give me enough time to get over this. I hate all of this. It sucks.

OMG it was a freak show. Every kid under 16 was there yesterday. Busses and vans full of screaming kids. It was “Dollar Day”. NEVER again! It was a claustrophobic’s nightmare. I picked a day I thought the weather would be good. Hell it was TOO GOOD! It was ungodly hot. The forecast said 90 it was more like 95! I wore sunscreen and got a sunburn. I had to end it because my back was killing me. The kid got his videos of elephants and I took a crap load of photos. The damned trams weren’t running as often so we walked everywhere. That place is fucking huge! Yeah, it was exercise but exercise with nerve sensations of being knifed on each step. I’m hurting today. Bigtime. I hate being sunburned. Crap. Promised the kid a return trip on his birthday and an extra one in December to make up for having to leave this time. Supposedly the animals are more active when it’s cooler. When it’s hot they lay around a lot. I have a lot of photos of animal asses to prove it. Hell, humans are less active when it’s hot too! There was one meerkat who, while his buddies were up alert and standing at attention, was stretched out flat on the ground. I know how you feel buddy.. I truly do. I wanted to join the elephants in their pond!

I was so tired last night I didn’t have the energy to take a freakin shower. I went to bed with sweaty hat hair (baseball cap) and all.

Foodwise? *snort* Hamburgers and pizza yesterday. I had oatmeal for breakfast (around 5am) and then didn’t eat again until almost 1pm. At that point I could have eaten the hind quarter of a zebra I was so hungry!